My Immortal
by Mi ChIbO
Summary: Why is it when everything's perfect, you're life is flipped upside down? Why can't I stop thinking about you, even when you've left me? And why, when you're gone, do I still love you? Bad summary. Plz read anyway. It's a Songfic... Angsty. Warning: Death.


**I don't own CL… or My Immortal… which is by Evanescence. Or you could call her Amy Grant. Whatever. Anywho, the story shalt start! YAY!**

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**I'm so tired of being here **

**Suppressed by all my childish fears**

Tears trickled down the window, just as they did her face. She looked at the closet, remembering when she was little and thought there had been a monster inside. Sighing, she looked back out the window. Pressing a finger to the cool, misty glass, she drew a heart. It was a sloppy heart, but one just the same. Again she lifted her hand to write more. Two initials. Hers and his. Together. She then put an arrow through the entire picture before rubbing it away.

**And if you have to leave **

**I wish that you would just leave **

She squeezed her eyes shut and envisioned a perfect day: The sun, shining down on them as he whispered in her ear. With him kissing her and massaging her shoulders. With her being happy. She shook the image from her mind and watched as the window fogged up again. It wasn't just a vision. It was a memory. And it was one of the ones that hurt her the most. She let out a slow breath and fell back onto her bed, burying her face in her pillow to quiet the sobs wracking through her body. Never until now had she believed you could get sick from crying too much. Her parents had always told her this when she was little, but she had though they were just trying to get her to stop. She coughed and rubbed her head, feeling a migraine coming on.

**'Cause your presence still lingers here **

**And it won't leave me alone **

She hurried to her bathroom, her numb legs nearly causing her to topple over. Grabbing a cup by the sink, she turned on the faucet to fill it with water. She looked into the mirror and stuck her tongue out at herself. Noticing a small picture carefully clipped to the side, she let the cup clatter to the floor. Soaking her stocking feet. Slowly taking the picture, she cradled it to her chest and fell to the floor. Sobbing into her little black dress. After collecting the only composure she had left, she pulled herself back into her room. Lots of things, little meaningless things, stood out, reminding her of him. She stumbled out of her room, nearly fell on her butt, and walked to a large closet, from which she took a big cardboard box. Turning on her heel, she walked back to her room and started filling the box with all the memories of him.

**These wounds won't seem to heal **

**This pain is just too real **

**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

While searching through her things, she found a tiny little stuffed bear. It was a deep purple and had a heart stitched on the stomach. She nearly smiled, remembering the day he had given it to her.

"_Aww, look. Isn't that little bear cute?"_

"_You like it?"_

_She nodded. The boy grinned and walked over to the man, plopping down a five. He was given a bucket of softballs and he easily tossed then into the wicker baskets that were set a couple yards away. He whooped and pointed toward the little bear when the tender asked him which prize. He also whispered something to them and the man nodded, beckoning him to the back of the tent. The boy winked and asked her to stay there. Curious, she obliged and slipped onto the counter, swinging her feet. Then they came back a little later, the boy presented her with the bear. Her eyes twinkled when she saw the little heart. In the middle, he had sewn their initials in the middle along with a "4ever." She laughed and hugged him._

Shaking her head, she tossed the little bear in the box before she started to cry again.

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears **

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears **

_Someone came up behind her and wrapped their arms around her waist. She knew who it was. Their hard, muscled arms gave it away._

"_You okay?" a strong male voice asked._

"_I'm afraid."_

"_Of what?"_

"_Death."_

_He pulled her toward them. The sun was setting on the treetops in the distance. He put his chin on her head and they both watched it go down._

"_Don't worry. You're not going to die. I won't let anybody take you from me."_

"_It's not _me_ I'm afraid for. It's… everybody I love. Like you and the gang."_

_He pulled one of his arms up to her shoulder and moved to her side, "I won't die if it means leaving you."_

"_You wouldn't have a choice."_

"_You've got a point there. But if I do, I'll wait for you in heaven."_

_A small smile crept onto her face. "I'd like that."_

"_Would you do the same?"_

_She turned to face him, "Of course." He grinned and pressed his lips to hers as the sun finished setting and night fell over them._

**And I held your hand through all of these years **

**But you still have **

**All of me**

_She stood off to the side, her fingers pressed to her mouth. Her eyes were as big as golf balls as she stared unblinkingly at the scene before her. He picked his blade from the dead body in front of him and threw it down the mountain. He was breathing heavily, the sound of the entering and escaping air echoing through the air. He stepped over the body that littered the ground and limped over to her. He took her hand in his and her eyes darted to his._

"_It's okay."_

_Her pupils widened and shot back to the lifeless corpse on her ground._

"_It'll all be okay."_

_His hand was warm in hers. The heat spread through her body like a raging fire as she lifted her head, pulling her other hand away from her mouth. She nodded. He smiled as she pushed her face into his chest._

**You used to captivate me **

**By your resonating life **

**Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind **

She coughed. It resounded off the thin walls and back at her. She rammed her fist into the wall and stared at it, her eyes shinning with emotional pain. A pain she had never felt before. She hung her head, her hair—which had grown longer—falling in her eyes, obscuring her vision. Tears wet the carpet under her as well as her dress. Just looking at the lurid black fabric hurt her more. It was so bleak. So… so… so _miserable_. Ironically, it mimicked exactly how she felt. Miserable. Yep, that was her—the stupid, ugly, miserable girl. The one who can't even walk straight because she's crying too much. Oh yes, that was her.

**Your face it haunts **

**My once pleasant dreams **

His face popped into her dreams even more now. But her dreams were no longer that of love and happiness. No. It was like horror films played in her mind, the screams of innocent people calling out to her. Telling her that she had failed. Failed to save them. The people she couldn't reach. The ones she loved the most. She was, you could say, a dying lily, losing her beauty bit by bit.. Her skin was quickly losing it's color and her heart, it seemed, had slowed its beating. She needed someone. Just _someone_. It didn't matter who it was. She pulled herself over to her dresser. After changing into a large sweater and sweatpants, she stuffed her feet into a pair of socks and padded down the stairs of her small flat. The door at the end of the hall mocked her awfully. She meant to keep her gaze away. She wanted to keep her gaze away. But the door taunted her to no end. She moved down the hall ands set her hand on her cool brass handle. Opening it, she eased her hand in and locked it from the inside **(A/N: hah! I bet you though she was going to go in!)**. Shutting it again, she stumbled down the hall and grabbed her coat and shoes. She was going for a walk.

**Your voice it chased away **

**All the sanity in me**

You could call her insane. Two layers? In the middle of winter? But he had taught her a trick. It pained her to use it, but she still did. Hand warmers. He had pinned them all over the inside of her jacket, which hung to her knees. She saw rain start to dot the pavement and she looked into the sky. The drizzle turned into a downpour. People hurried all around her, trying to get to wherever it was they were going before they got soaked. She didn't care. She was one of those few that kept on walking, not even stopping to consider that they might catch pneumonia. People who knew her smiled, waved, or offered her a pitying glance. Inside, she was disgusted by the pity. Pity equaled stupidity in her vocabulary. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Even the word was stupid sounding. Pity. Hah.

**These wounds won't seem to heal**

**This pain is just too real**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

She had no clue where she was going; only that she knew she was going somewhere. Her jacket was no longer warm, but cold and unpleasant. She shrugged it off and, when she was sure nobody was looking, dropped it in the sewer. She continued on her way, ignoring the stares she got when people saw that she had no jacket on. The rain soon let up and finally cleared. The sky turned a pure blue and the gray clouds were swept away, fluffy white ones taking their place. She hissed at the clouds and kept her pace.

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**

_She, as a little girl, was always afraid of the monster in the closet. Eyeing the door warily, she hugged her knees to her chest and sat as far away from it as possible. Suddenly, the door to her room flew open. In the frame stood a boy about her age. He had a pink dishtowel pinned around his shoulders and a large MFM clipped onto his inside-out polo shirt. A pair of underpants was dangling from his head of brown hair and another pair was put tightly over his shorts. In his hand, he held a cardboard sword and a very large pair of bunny slippers hid his feet. A pair of goggles with a snorkel attached pressed against his green-brown eyes and nose._

"_Never fear! The Monster Fighter Man is here!" he hollered, his voice a little off due to the goggles. She giggled as he threw open her closet door. "A vast ye closet monster! HIYA!"_

**And I've held your hand through all of these years**

**But you still have**

**All of me**

It was these little memories that killed her inside. She pulled her sleeve along her eyes, smearing her makeup as well. She walked by a homeless man with a dog at his feet. He was instructing the dog to do various tricks, attempting to get money. She dug her hand into her pocket and let the few coins she had with her fall softly into the little mug by the curb. He gave her a toothless grin and she forced herself to smile back before continuing on her way. She knew now where her destination was. Her heart didn't want to go, but her mind wouldn't stop telling her feet to move in that direction. The wind combed through her hair with its invisible fingers as she headed toward the saddest place in the world.

**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone **

**But though you're still with me **

**I've been alone all along**

The graveyard. She stood staring out at the field of tombstones, willing her body to turn itself around and walk away. To not cry like she had the day she had heard the news. The news that he was dead. Her body did neither and instead pushed her to a large stone on the far right of the field.

_She ran from it. The funeral was long over and his coffin, now being covered with dirt by the caretakers, still frightened her. She ran to her house and fell onto her bed, wiping away tears._

She stared at the name carved into it. _His_ name. Now, even mindless seconds seemed like some of the best times in her life. All because he had been there. She tucked her hair behind her ear and knelt beside the marble gravestone. Taking her finger, she traced the years etched into the stone. She did the math. Nineteen years. Well, almost. He had been just a few weeks from his birthday.

"_The driver couldn't stop in time. The hit was fatal. There was nothing he could have done to get out of the way."_

Her informant had been, amazingly enough, one of her former enemies. The girl was also grieving. But it was different for her. The boy wasn't her first and only love. To that girl, he'd just been a crush.

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**

She pressed her hands into the dirt, longing to be with the boy buried beneath her. She looked to the sky, imagining him just inside the gates of heaven, waiting for her. Just like he had promised. The soil caught under her fingernails, sending shivers to encase her already trembling body. Her heart beat wildly and she lay down on the dirt, grasping a small locket that she wore under her clothes. Taking it out, she fiddled with the tiny clasp until it opened. She looked at the picture, fingering the fine silver in her hand. It was a picture of both of them, wrapped in each other's arms. Smiling. Laughing. Expressing the _happiness_ she could no longer feel in her heart.

**And I've held your hand through all of these years**

**But you still have**

**All of me**

**Me**

_She spotted a fortuneteller's shop down the road. Having their fortune told couldn't hurt. Pointing to it, she looked at him with pleading eyes. He shrugged and they trotted toward the small building. They entered the shop and he handed money to an elderly lady behind a large crystal ball. The woman took it, smiled, and started to move her hands around the ball. A mist rose in it and soon the lady gave a gasp._

"_I see death in your future, my dears. You'd best watch out!"_

Death wasn't in her future any longer. It was in her past. And it haunted her more each and every day. She closed the locket, took the small heart, and carved the words "I Love You" in the cold, hard earth.

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**Yes, I know. Very depressing. Angst. Death. Yadda ya. Sorry, but I really had to get it out of my system. I'm feeling a whole lot better emotionally now. All of you who read LIHV know what I'm talking about, so yeah… heh. Please review! PLEASE! Heehee… hope you liked it! I gotta go cuz I have to write an essay… blah. Tell me if you spot any spelling errors! Okay. Thanks! bye!**

**-Mi ChIbO-**

**beep…**


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